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This year marks a full decade since the term “vanishing” entered the mainstream. Initially, the concept that someone could instantly end contact with a partner without a word seemed like the peak of indignity. Our innocence was charming. In the ten-year span since, finding a mate has only become more bewildering – an frequently fruitless endeavor in humiliation that is increasingly defined by online lingo.

Generation Z, a demographic who matured during a social isolation epidemic, a male identity reckoning, and a coordinated assault on the rights of women and the queer community, faces a far messier landscape than their millennial elders could ever envision. And so their romantic lexicon has grown more elaborate and more unhinged, with phrases like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” pushing the limits of your sanity.

The following list is a detailed guide to the words Zoomers is using to discuss romance, intimacy and the quest of both. To echo one of the year’s most popular memes, by the end of this list you’ll yearn to get back to God’s country – because where that is, it is free from “wokefishing”.

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A

Authenticity – According to Zoomers, romance's ultimate goal is presenting as your true, unvarnished self. Good luck with that!

B

Bird theory – A social media test inspired by a test developed by relationship scientists, in which you bring up something minor – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and note whether your partner’s response is engaged or dismissive. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Mysterious girlfriend – Gen Z’s rebuttal to the “manic pixie dream girl” trope of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner puts herself first while exuding mystery and independence. (She may yet have baby bangs.)

C

Support test – This signifies seeking out someone who supports you unprompted. If you entered a room, they would fetch a seat for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A date where two people bond while running errands, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how financially strained twentysomethings do budget-friendly dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Emotional spiral – Melting down when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or breakup, venting all of your unreciprocated emotions.

The Letter D

DINK – Two incomes, no children. Once a symbol of 80s young urban professional excess, it describes partners who opt out of having children to prioritize their own fulfillment. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Open communication – The antithesis of playing it cool: embracing dialogue, honesty and openness.

F

Signals

• Danger signals – Personal traits suggesting a prospective partner is trouble. For instance calling their exes crazy, subpar gratuity habits, a love of controversial director films, a nascent DJ career …
• Good indicators – These actions affirm your choice to pursue a partner. Examples include checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, low screen time, having a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These usually describe specific, mostly harmless idiosyncrasies. Examples include being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still carrying around a biro in their bag, paying rent in cash …

Freak matching – When you meet someone who’s just as passionate about documentaries about the WWII or DVD collecting or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who despises the same things or people that you do (nothing builds closeness faster than sharing a nemesis).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend is into.

Ghostlighting – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a length of ghosting.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and devoted. The rare partner who is liked by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Gooners – A mostly online community of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt extended sessions, deliberately delaying climax so they can persist as long as possible.

The Letter H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A phenomenon describing many women's increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

High-value woman – An stereotype promoted by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and contentedly home-oriented, who apparently has no aspirations of her own other than satisfying her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Icks – Arbitrary and often mundane repulsions that instantly shut down any sense of desire.

“He would if he cared" – Something to remember after you watch someone else get an incredibly sweet act.

The Letter J

Jobs – These have not been this important in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ultimate catch: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in professions they believe are being staffed by the more caring among us: healthcare workers, educators or therapists.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16 million years. But the era of kissing may be waning since some gen Z prefer fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic romance believable.

Enhanced profile crafting – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {