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We've been friends for more than 20 years, a person who's faced and conquered numerous obstacles, and I respect her for that. Yet, she's repeatedly taken by surprise by people. Her husband ended their marriage, and it was a huge shock. A lot of her friends vanished then, as they were focused solely on him. She was stunned by her deeply. She put in increased attention to be my friend, probably realised more clearly what friendship was.

The Pattern In Relationships

Throughout this period, many in her circle have disappeared and she isn't sure why. Her last employer suddenly changed toward her, although she had been very skilled at her work, her exit happened without knowing the reason for the change.

Present Situation

Recently, both of us stepped back from work leading to more time together, but I am finding my role between us feels one-sided. I start subjects and she changes the talk toward her own topics. Politically, she holds strong opinions. My effort is to propose factchecking and alternate views.

She's been organizing a holiday to a country I know well repeatedly and resided in previously. My intention was to share advice, but this was not welcomed. She purely only wanted me to confirm her choices. I have ended a month in that place she is eager to meet, however, I hesitate.

Evaluating the Situation

I am unwilling in this role that walks away abruptly, yet I doubt she can understand the consequences of her behaviour on how I feel about myself. Right now, I am in pulling back. What should I do?

Ways Forward

One option is to end things abruptly, but it is seldom a smooth outcome we hope for. But confrontation aiming for working things out demands strength and readiness on both your parts.

Therapists recommend trying a effective method for resolving disputes:

"The first step is to state how things go when you talk. It should be objective and clear like what a recording device would replay. The second is to express her how it makes you feel. Ideally, there's no argument about this. Emotions belong to you, after all. Finally involves requesting how the two of you can shift the pattern of your friendship."

Remember that she also holds perspectives, meaning you must to be prepared to listen to her. An approach that works is to say to the other person:

"Please share your thoughts while I will listen without interrupting for half an hour."

This can be successful in fostering understanding.

Final Thoughts

Your friend may dismiss all you say, as some people have a “survival narrative”: they have a version of their life they're unable to release as it feels essential relies on it and it represents familiar to them. This is difficult when there seems no clear path in such cases, mere obstacles. However, she might start out like this before reflecting your perspective. And even if you don't achieve a fix, it will give you closure knowing you were honest with her.